chapter text
"Hey, get up. We're going to be late for school.”
"Shut up, Isaac." I felt my head spinning as Isaac, my twin brother, shook my whole body. "I swear to God, Isaac, I'm going to hit you." In fact, I was about to wake up and punch him in the stomach when I saw the clock on the bedside table read 7:30.
"Oh shit. It's okay, Isaac, I'm coming.”
I jumped out of bed like the morning sun. I looked out the window and it's a beautiful Wednesday morning. I put on a black button down hoodie, gray ski pants and gray ski gloves and went to the bathroom to comb my brown hair. It's cropped, sitting just below my ears, and while others thought it was a bit sloppy, I didn't mind at all. So I went downstairs to the kitchen to see a plate of fried eggs, two slices of toast, and a note next to the plate that said:
I'll be gone all day for work and won't be back until very late tonight, not before midnight. Dinner is in the red bowl in the fridge. Don't stay up late and be on the safe side. Remember to take care of each other.
Amor,
Pai.
I smiled. If there's one thing my dad excels at from everyone else in South Park, it's being a really good parent. Despite the situation of leaving a kid like me at home alone, he at least taught me how to take care of myself in case something happened to him. I can't always count on him. Ever since my mother died years ago, I've distanced myself a bit from those around me and worked on myself to be a stronger person and not fall into things like she did while treating colon cancer. As Isaac became the opposite, I felt like he was becoming more and more emotionally fragile, which was all the more reason for me to rise to the strong. We finish my breakfast, grab my purple backpack with everything I need, and head to school.
We didn't go to school by bus. First, I live very close to the elementary school, about two blocks east. Second, I don't like people who ride buses at all anyway. They are often loud, annoying and rude. For example, they pull each other's hair, play silly and vicious pranks like wet spots, stick gum on each other, and steal. And then there's Eric Cartman, who preaches anti-Semitic crap and whose farts stink the whole bus. Not to mention that the bus driver was a nasty person who screamed all the time, but she was murdered some time ago. I don't know who's been driving the school bus since then.
Children like to find someone to tease to relieve their boredom. It's usually Butters Stotch because his behavior is similar to Isaac's; He's shy, sensitive and kind of boring. Unlike my brother, he will also engage in bullying, that idiot. From time to time they will try to pick on Isaac,
When I got to school I saw a great commotion in the street; About a hundred children stood out. They were waiting for something. I don't know why they were stopped. As I got closer, my amazement must have eased because I heard Butters Stotch open his mouth. "Dude, it's almost time for school to start and Wendy isn't here yet."
"What's up?" I asked my brother.
"Didn't you hear? Cartman pissed off Wendy Testaburger.” Isaac has blonde hair, just like me, but his hair is always messy, unlike mine, which is straight and kind of surfer-y, but smooth. His is comparable to Kenny McCormick's if you're lucky enough to catch him outside the hood. He wears a light blue jacket, dark blue pants and a yellow scarf. This yellow scarf was inherited from dad. I've been told many times that Isaac is about ten minutes or more older than me.
I rolled my eyes. "Hell yeah, I don't live under a rock."
Another voice is heard that is very familiar to me. "Yeah, I don't know what's going on. I mean, I showed up.” Eric and Wendy were supposed to fight yesterday because Eric said some hurtful things about breast cancer, which really didn't surprise me given that he's a macho jerk. However, Eric was arrested for literally cheating on Mr. Garrison. There are conspiracy theories that Eric just shit on Garrison's desk to get out of the fight. I personally found the part where he had to poop quite hilarious.
"Where is she? Why isn't Wendy showing up for the fight?” That must be the high-pitched voice of Bebe Stevens. I bit my lower lip. I never really liked the popular girls in my class. These are all very shallow people who like to talk nonsense behind other people's backs. They once made a list that almost had Kyle Broflovski burning down the entire school, but I'd be happy if he did. To be honest, I don't like school. Right now I'm learning useless stuff like who Beyoncé is where I could be learning how to get a job or something instead. On the other hand, I'm only 10 years old.
"Here she comes!" We all turn around. Wendy must have come from the West, and she didn't look as cheerful as usual today, as she walked with her eyes glued to the ground.
Eric starts doing some gang poses. He does all this weird crap with his hands and tries to act like a gangster. "What's the matter, Wendy? I thought we would meet up earlier to fight.”
Now Wendy finally takes her eyes off the floor and looks at Eric. "You know I can't fight you!"
"Why not? You coward?” Eric just struts around and clucks like a chicken. Calling someone a chicken wasn't an insult when I was about 5 years old?
"I can't put up with you because you came to my house crying with your mom last night!" Wendy snapped.
"Pfffft. Oh, that's great, Wendy!” He taunted Wendy. "Did you come up with this yourself?!"
"Hehehe yeah, you made that up yourself?!" Butters is often fond of parroting after Eric. Ironically, Butters can be just as cruel, if not more cruel, when he complains so often about his "friends" (Eric and others) being mean to him. He and Stan Marsh once did a bullying song and then went to a concert and angrily beat up the host. Not that I really hate Butters, no, but he's kind of a hypocrite.
"I'm not up front, man! Let's do it! Let's do it now, yo.” Eric did some more gangster poses.
"Come on Wendy, kick his ass!" Baby screamed.
"I can't!" As the words left Wendy's mouth, the school bell rang. "Damned!" I sighed. Another day lost at school.
"She chickened out!" said Butters. Well, not really, because we have to go to class somehow, and that's okay? I heard a few people in the crowd say "Oh man" and things like that.
At that point we both just left. We entered the building to go to class. I put my backpack in the closet and closed the closet door. Of course we meet our old friends Garet Jerra and Jenna Stoley. Garet is very strong and has sky-pointing red hair and brown eyes. He wears a brown jacket and green pants while Jenna has purple hair and brown eyes. Her hair is tied in a ponytail and she wears a red rose jacket and purple pants.
I know Isaac has a "secret" crush on Jenna since he stuttered when he saw Jenna. "H-hey Jen."
Jenna smiled at Isaac. "Hello Isaac." She turned to me and nodded. "Hey you too."
I looked where I came from, back to Jenna and Garet. "Man, I can't believe Wendy went nuts Cartman spanked her," Garet complained.
Jenna looked at Garet. "What? Garet, what the hell is wrong with you, why do you want a man to hit a girl?"
The two started arguing as they walked towards the classroom. Then Isaac turned to me and sighed. I can see he's still thinking about Jenna, the way he smiles and blushes and stuff. "She's so great man."
"You've told me that many times, why don't you just ask her out or something?" I recommended.
"Because I'm just nervous, you know." I hate talking about love. It's kind of cheesy.
"Well, Isaac, I have to go to class now, Mr. Garrison will be mad at me if I'm late again."
"Okay, later skater."
"Uh, thanks. You too… skaters.”
There were more speeches on political issues and today is the last day of speeches. On Monday I was second and my speech was about the lack of funding for prostate cancer, but everyone in the class (especially Wendy) thought I was misogynist even though I worked really hard at it, and I affirm make sure there's nothing offensive about it . Mister. Garrison wanted to give me a B, but the whole class complained about my speech, so Mr. Garrison told them to "fuck off," as a responsible teacher should. However, the class probably just hates me giving the speech; If someone like Kyle went, there would be no problems.
I fell asleep for a while and then woke up about an hour later to hear Clyde finish his speech. “So we should all recycle. Every day. Recycling is important and will save our planet earth. The end.” The class applauded politely as Clyde took his place.
Mister. Garrison clapped his hands too. "Okay Clyde. Okay, we still have time for another report before the break. Who wants to come?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Eric Cartman raise his hand. Strange. I don't remember Eric offering to do reports or anything like that. And Eric hasn't left yet? Huh, maybe I remembered wrong. Maybe today is just another weird day. Anyway, it doesn't bother me. "Okay Eric."
Eric ging Happy forward. That's really strange. I don't remember Eric being happy to report it. Except this time when he made fun of the redheads, but that was more aimed at Kyle than anything else. Normally I'd go back to sleep, but there was definitely something wrong with Eric, like the speech I mentioned earlier about redheads.
Eric smiled and bowed while clearing his throat. "Thanks very much. My report today is about breast cancer awareness.” That's strange. Hasn't Wendy already done her breast cancer report? And since when did Mr. Garrison allow two people to do the same thing? Maybe I missed the memo. "I don't think enough is being done and as a breast cancer victim there is something I would like to say." He stifles a laugh. "We all have to fight and hopefully one day breast cancer will be just a breast away." He stifles another laugh.
I heard Wendy say something to herself, but it was inaudible. I couldn't hear what she was saying. Anyway, Eric continued, this time a badly timed joke. "What did breast cancer tell the Polish monkey?" Actually it wasn't fair, why is everyone complaining about my report, but Erics...actually, not many people are laughing right now.
Mister. Garrison sat furiously in his chair. "Okay, Eric, that's enough, you smartass!"
"Why?!" Wendy gets up from her chair and goes to Eric. "Why are you doing this to me?!" She grabbed his collar and started shaking him. "Why don't you just stop?!"
"Wendy, Wendy," Eric said.
Suddenly the sound system kicked on and Headmistress Victoria's voice came over the intercom. "Wendy Testaburger to the principal's office, please?" Wendy Testaburger to the principal's office."
"God!" Wendy yelled as she strode out of the classroom. Not a minute later the break bell rang and we all left.
During the break we all sat on the carousel. Me, my brother Isaac, Garet and Jenna were there and we were talking about World of Warcraft. It's the game we still play. Most of the school still plays regularly, but let's be honest: the four of us are probably the best players in the school. I'm usually the dedicated healer playing the druid class because I'm actually pretty good at healing and my friends aren't willing to heal for some reason, but we usually play 3v3 and the other three like to rotate regularly.
"That was a nice wind shear you did, Isaac," I mentioned. He plays the Shaman class, usually the Enhancement specialization. Garet plays a warrior while Jenna plays a mage.
"Hey, come on," Garet said, "I still did the best DPS."
"Yes, after I rode the bike everything is ok." I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you know what bullshit is?"
"What?" Jenna asked.
"My class got really mad at my speech and asked Mr. Garrison to take my grade."
"So what happened," Jenna asked, "And why were you angry? I mean you rehearsed for me, I really liked your speech.”
"I mean, I think I did well," I mused, "but they just hate it because it was me. If it was someone else like Kyle, they would be hot on his heels. It's all a silly game of favoritism, no.” . Class or how good the work is, that's nonsense."
"Wait, what grade did you get?" asked Garet.
"B+." I answered.
"It's not that bad," Jenna assured.
Suddenly I could hear a commotion in the schoolyard and Butters shouting, "She's coming! She's coming!” I quickly turn my head toward the center of the schoolyard and sure enough, shit is bound to happen.
- Butters, get out of here! Eric screamed.
"But Wendy is coming to fight you," Butters argued.
"...Huh?" Eric turned towards the school building and so did I. The side doors open and Wendy comes down the stairs, ready for a fight. The students cheer her on as she turns left and heads to the playground. A few girls follow her, Bebe is the first among them.
As a crowd of students gathered around the fighting couple, I got on the merry-go-round. I saved my phone to enjoy the show. Then it was quiet on the playground. Wendy goes to Eric and they face each other. Eric staggers while striking various poses. I can see the fear in your eyes; He's panicking, afraid of losing to Wendy and being called a fag. That thought really struck me, and I shuddered and closed my eyes a little; It kind of disgusts me how sexist my generation can be. I remember the many times I was called a fag when Clyde and his friends beat me up. Not that I was gay, but they call me that because I'm not that strong, you know? Damn, Wendy can probably beat me. "What is that? What's that?” Eric then leaned in to whisper something to Wendy, but we could all hear it. "Wendy, remember: I will tell my mother about you."
"I'm not calling!" Wendy screamed. Eric looks around. Butters is happily dancing in place, waiting for the fight to begin.
"Um, break's almost over," Eric tried, "I don't know, I don't know if there's still time." That's weird. Didn't the break start five minutes ago or something?
I could hear some screams as Wendy tied her hair in a bun at the back of her head. "Good, good, Wendy!" Eric took off his jacket and clenched his fists. "I will fight you, you great tyrant!"
The fighters dance around each other until Wendy lands a right cross. Cartman spins and lands on his back. Wendy dances and Cartman stands up, pulling down his pants. Wendy lands two left jabs in Cartman's face and Cartman eventually responds with a right jab. It's strong enough to make Wendy stagger backwards.
"Ohhhh!" cried the children. Eric can win this fight if he uses his punches correctly. I don't care who might win, I don't like any of them.
Eric punches Wendy in the face again and then continues with a series of alternating punches, forcing Wendy back into the crowd. Eric lands a punch so hard it sends Wendy onto the jungle gym and continues to punch her there. Switching to wrestling, Wendy throws Eric onto the monkey bars and then smashes his face against one of the bars at least twice, causing Eric to bleed. The crowd loves it and cheers them on. Wendy now lands a long series of alternating punches, forcing Eric back onto the playground and an amateur elephant. Eric raises his arms to avoid the punches, but it's to no effect.
"Fuck him, Wendy!" Butters screamed.
Eric eventually throws Wendy away from him and punches her, but she punches faster, causing him to miss the target. Then she hits him on the right temple and Eric staggers a little. As he recovers, Wendy delivers the final blow: a fierce right flank that spins Eric's head and sends his body flying. Eric falls to the ground and loses a tooth. Wendy kicks him a few times as a precaution. Running out of strength, she staggers backwards and lands exhausted on her butt. Of course Wendy won, how could it be otherwise?