chapter text
That's pretty much all you don't want. Suddenly, an idiot appears who wants to ruin your day and possibly your life. It sucks but what can we do? We have virtually no way of stopping Terrorblade now that he found us here in this situation and we're all exhausted from before and I have a sneaking suspicion that he knows we know about Stick. That's probably why he's here right now, despite all the chaos that's been going on in South Park for the last hour. And not to mention that Terrorblade isn't human, it's a demon. A demon feared and hated by other demons, as stated in the book. Having played dota i know what terrorblade is capable of but what confuses me is why we have wow powers but there is a dota character here and the ginger kids were acting like they were dungeons and Playing Dragons, not to mention Ray's "Dragonborn" is reminiscent of Skyrim. It's really confusing, so much video game stuff gets thrown together in the real world, I just hope someone comes along and explains the situation to us soon. I remember a joke about Morgan Freeman getting a freckle every time he has to explain something about a plot. That means we're in shit.
"That's... that... that can't be..." Ray stammered, his voice shaking with nervousness. I looked at him and his eyes were like a deer in headlights.
The demon held out his arms as if to tell us to challenge him, to provoke him. "I... am Terrorblade!"
"Uh oh," Stan replied. I didn't say anything in response. Just like the name, I could feel the terror and what Terrorblade is potentially capable of. I looked to the left and Ray and Isaac stuttered nervously in their seats. To my right, Stan held Wendy tight. I looked into Terrorblade's eyes - the glowing eyes of doom that terrified me and I could feel my heart pounding. Maybe that's why they call it "Terrorblade" because I can literally feel the terror now.
Terrorblade's disdain quickly turned into a frown, his face lowered, but his gaze was still on us as if he were a predator and we were his prey. "I came here for a reason, and I know you kids have it."
"...have what?" Wendy is probably trying to play Terrorblade and would probably try to trick him. Unfortunately for her, a demon feared by other demons is probably the last person Wendy should fuck.
“You filthy bastards, I know you have the staff. The Stick of Truth!” Terrorblade was pacing. "And I didn't wait that long just to see five snotty little kids trying to make a fool of me! Although...I admit I didn't see the UFO crash and zombies coming."
"Is that how you came to us?" Stan asked.
"I mean, what do you think I can do?" Terrorblade laughed. "I can do many things, but summoning aliens and zombies isn't my specialty. No, it was just good timing and I used the guise of chaos to get through the city. I mean, if I tried to enter South Park on a... On a normal day, I'd be spotted right away.
"Why do you think we have the 'stick' you're talking about?" Wendy said.
Terrorblade pointed to Wendy. "You should be the last to be sarcastic, Wendy Testaburger..." Terrorblade fixed his gaze on Stan, "-and you, Stanley Marsh, carry the bat. And I know exactly who Dovahkiin is here!” Terrorblade shifted his gaze to Ray. "You want to know how I know all this - do you have Stick and your names?"
"...as?" I'll regret saying that and it probably won't be good.
Terrorblade grinned evilly at me. "I thought you'd never ask, Cole Dimmons, brother of Isaac Dimmons." Terrorblade returned to the sidewalk across from us. To her left was a mailbox and a newsstand lit by a street lamp. He lifted his left foot to kick them both to the ground. Papers and letters were flying everywhere and in the light of the street lamp we saw two children our age tied together sitting down. Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick to be precise. They were injured and severely beaten.
We all suffocate. "Kyle...Kenny...you - you bastard..." Stan gasped.
"I've been exploring the city for days, my eyes and ears are on you children." Terrorblade laughed again. "Kids are so stupid these days, they spoil their brains with social media, mindless literature like Terrance and Phillip, and stupid video games." He pointed to Kyle and Kenny. "Damn, those two idiots really thought I was playing a game with them when I came to catch him. And speaking of social media -" Terrorblade turned back to Ray "- did you know, Raymond Irvington, - or the power of the Dovahkiin - not your farts, but your ability to make many friends? Farts are just tools, but the power of friendship is what makes you.” Terrorblade laughed again. "Well, I wish you luck in making lots of friends as I snatch the cane from Stanley while I watch your town burn to the ground." Terrorblade is a fucking asshole. He defeated us from afar and is provoking us. We are children while he is a demon that other demons fear and he brags about it because he knows he is better than us.
"Um...I...that might explain how everyone's been treating me..." Ray said.
"What, did your parents feed you lies, Raymond? We're having a bit of amnesia here, but don't worry, you'll feel the truth soon enough.” Terrorblade paced while Kyle and Kenny sat in silence. "Have you ever wondered why I wanted Stick?"
"...Why?" I asked.
"Well, they say whoever controls the stick controls the universe," Terrorblade explained, "but you kids missed an important part."
"And this is?" asked Wendy.
Terrorblade looked left. "Morgan Freeman? Come over and explain that to those curious kids!”
Out of the darkness, Morgan Freeman appeared alongside Kyle and Kenny and stood next to Terrorblade. "You see," said Morgan, "when humans and orcs lived together in the woods of Hollow Falls, an elf queen fell in love with the orc named Dandar. They secretly loved each other and had a child since interracial marriage was taboo.” Back then. At that time. When everyone suspected the Elf Queen and plotted her downfall, she prayed to God, and so the Stick of Truth was forged in the flames of Sovngarde - the realm of heroes of the past - and was born to be passed on. A great power beyond anyone's imagination, but whoever controlled the stick controlled the power imaginable. But the stick doesn't give immortality, so the elf queen was killed by the blade of an assassin who took the stick for himself. But every time someone new gets a stick, the stick has to be re-energized by the sacred flames, to "control" him. So far no one has managed to break through Sovngarde.”
"Wow, that's...super nerdy," Wendy said.
"Just one thing, Morgan Freeman," Stan asked. "How come you show up every time something complicated needs explaining?"
Morgan Freeman smiled as a freckle appeared like a flash of light under her left eye. "Because every time I show up and explain something, I get a freckle."
"Okay, fuck, get out of here." Terrorblade pushed Morgan Freeman away. "Now I will give you children a choice: give me the stick or your friends will die. And if you dare attack me, I will kill all your friends and take the stick for myself! Let's start here with Kenneth. Terrorblade unpacked Kyle and Kenny just as their blades suddenly disappeared. He grabbed Kenny's collar with his left hand. "I'll separate that white trashhead from the rest of the body if I have to!"
"NO!" Stan screamed with fear in his voice. "Don't kill Kenny!"
"You...bastard..." Kyle mumbled.
"Then do as I say and hand me the staff! Otherwise the little mouse will take him!” Terrorblade screamed.
As the words left Terrorblade's mouth, another voice came from the left. I turned left and saw a roaming Nazi zombie charging straight for the Terrorblade. "It's time for a purge! We must destroy the Jews!”
Terrorblade growled. "Oh, get out of here, you!" As the zombie reached Terrorblade, Terrorblade grabbed the zombie's head and threw it into a nearby car. The zombie's head must have hit the car's gas tank, as both the car and the zombie immediately burst into flames.
"Oh...my..." Isaac said in awe.
"Now give me the bat!" Terrorblade threatened.
It was really quite a difficult situation. I didn't particularly like Kenny McCormick, but I couldn't watch him beheaded for a complete idiot. Then again, as Morgan Freeman said, the stick already confers power, but when Terrorblade is resupplied in Sovngarde, who knows what kind of power he'll have and what he'll do with it, and given his track record, it doesn't look good either out of. But I didn't want innocent people to die.
"Shall we give the stick?" Ray asked.
"We can't, because then Terrorblade will control everything!" Isaac replied.
"I can't watch my friends die," Stan said dejectedly, "I can't watch them get murdered."
"But we have a job to do," I mused.
"If we keep the stick," Wendy said, "Terrorblade will kill our friends, kill us, and still get the stick. If we give it to him now, he'll run away, but at least we'll have time to track him down. And save our friends. Wendy, with her impeccable logic, as always.
"I - I'm with Wendy," Stan stammered, "I can't watch Kenny and Kyle die!"
"It's really up to you," I said to Ray.
Ray nodded. "I like Wendy's idea. It's okay Stan, give it to him."
I hope we didn't make a big mistake. As Stan slowly advanced with the stick in his right hand, Terrorblade quickly grabbed it with his right hand. "There!" said Stan.
Then Terrorblade threw Kenny to the ground. "If I ever see you again, I'll spread your guts all over South Park to see. Consider this your final warning, Dovahkiin.” Then he ran west into the darkness.
Stan and Wendy immediately ran to Kenny and Kyle. "Oh my god, are you both okay?" Stan waved at me. "Cole! Come and heal her!”
I shook my head as I ran and put my hands on Kenny and Kyle's backs, which shone with the power of nature. "Fine, don't move too much, you'll both be up and running in no time."
"To be honest you should let me die," Kenny said, "at least I can go back that way."
"Kenny, don't be stupid," Wendy replied.
"I – I thought I was dead," Kyle said sadly. "I mean, we've been through a lot of struggles together, Stan, but this...this is something else entirely."
"I know man I couldn't see you two die," Stan said.
"Cole, is that what you had to tell us?" Kyle asked. "Terror Blade? Cole, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have doubted you. Look, I've been an idiot and I hope you can forgive me."
Honestly, I'm not the type of person to say "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you," I'm not sure what's wrong with me. "Well, I mean, there's been a lot of misunderstandings here and there, and it's kind of my fault as well, but well... yeah, we're — we're in — we're good at shit, yeah."
Kyle and Kenny stood up. "Okay, Kenny and I can't go, we have to stay here and fight the zombies. Where are you going anyway?”
"North Park," Ray replied.
"It's a long way from here," Kyle said.
"Cole will come up with something," said Isaac, "he always has!"
I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Oh come on, Isaac, you put a lot of trust in me."
"Well, we can't make the journey now," Wendy said, "it's midnight and I'm very tired. My feet are killing me.”
"Well we can't stay here for obvious reasons," Ray replied, "So where are we going?"
"We have camping gear, right?" Stan said. "I know a place. I think it will bring back memories for you, Wendy.